I’ve had the most amazing experience when I took on self-blame and decided that I’m responsible for all the shit, all the bad things that had happened in my life since I was a baby, my life shifted. You see, all this time my energy had been spent blaming others for what happened to me as a child. Of course, how can you blame a child when they were dependent on an adult? I was quite justified in that. But, what I was doing was giving away my power to these energies and people that had hurt my life since I was a baby. That kept me entangled in them and entangled in their energies.
I remember when I decided, and this was December 4th, 2016, that I am taking full responsibility on every iota of my life. Everything that I have given away my power, the blame. To my surprise, I found this hidden door within my subconscious, that hidden door was terror. Sexually abused children are terrorized by their abusers, whether they be sexual molesters or physical molesters, whatever. It’s a crime to do that to a child. These people have no shame in hurting a child this way. A child learns to bury their dreams, because they were doing their dreams, they were being their authentic selves when they were being raped and being violated. They associate those dreams, that authentic self with abuse. No wonder they shut it in the tower of terror.
Once I took the self-blame, this door opened and I was able to push that self-blame all the way down to my core, to where I was born, before I came into this life. I just pulled it right into my core. When I talk about my core, I’m talking about my bones, I’m talking about my breath, my blood. You know Voodooism, it’s a whole lot of things that you have to go through because of physical body’s very much intertwined with the spiritual body. Here I was, having grown up in East Africa and having had all these rapes happen since my birth and here I was now fully assuming self-blame. I mean, that was really powerful.
I’ve been depressed for a long time. Depressed because of the regret. Why did I come and allow this to happen to me? All the blah, blah and blah of being deeply depressed kept revolving in my mind. Depressed simply because I couldn’t pursue my authentic self. How can I when my power is not within me, it’s out there, blaming those energies and those people that had hurt me life. Believe me, it was 360 degree torment. I had teachers who were taking sexual advantage of me. Aunts and uncles, family members, servants, taking sexual advantage of me also. My own “mother”, the woman who says she bore me and raised me, who I presently don’t even care about anymore since I discovered her to be the dominant sexual violator of my life.
You have to understand that all the power was not in me. It was outside there with other people. Once I took the self-blame, what happened to me was I inherited my own self-power. I inherited all my gifts and my power-house of abilities. It was amazing when the tower of terror allowed me to have these back and closed back to protect me again. The self-blame is there and the tower of terror is important, because in voodooism, we use everything. We don’t just say this is bad, this is good, we look at it and say, “How can this help me move forward?” You hear of people using the worst that happened to them and making lemonade out of lemons.
It’s the same thing that we’re doing here, except it’s versed differently, but even more powerfully because, Voodooism is a huge energy that is very very powerful. It’s changed many people’s lives, for many of them who don’t know how to utilize it, it will go bad for them. It’s a potential to ruin your life completely is immense. Some people have lost their lives with the miscalculations. It’s very calculating. It’s got numbers. It’s got lots of things. I can’t go into all those details, but what I’m saying to you is for me having been raised on that soil, I’m no longer giving my power away.
Voodooism is in the soil of Africa, and I was born and raised there. That’s where the abuse took place. That’s where all these terrible things happened to me of being raped every day of my life since my birth. One of the things that I had battled with for seven years and haven’t been able to lift is self-pity. It stuck to me, like on my bones and my skin. In Voodooism, every part of the body is included in religious practice. Self-pity was programming that stuck to my vital organs. Once I took the self-blame, guess what happened? The self-pity left. The depression left. I was like, “Good God, why didn’t I have this information earlier?” Once again, when the student is ready, the teacher appears. I am jumping with joy because The Book of ROSE is a course that I have designed for you is so powerful. It will literally shake the trees in your life and give you the apples, instead of giving you the leaves or branches to eat. You want the apples, you want the sweetness of life.
Some of us don’t want that sweetness, because it has bad memories. Memories of our past where we gave away our power, where we were violated beyond what we can imagine. But, we have to remember that it always comes back to us. We are spiritual beings, we came to experience different things in this life and all I’m trying to say is, it is important for us to assume our responsibility. It’s like the Jihads out there, the terrorists. They always claim their responsibility. They never want the power to go to someone else. Even for you and I, we don’t want the power anymore to go to those people that raped us or hurt us. We want to bring the power back to us.
Take the self-blame, I have a powerful exercise for you to do. I’m excited about this. I’m excited about helping you change your life. I changed my life and I can tell you that just being in my authentic self, being able to now share my gifts, being able to sing and dance and be happy again. There’s no price tag on these things, you know? I’ve been in depression for so long. There’s no price tag when you become free of depression. When you move out of that place of being overweight and being unhappy and disorganized and not able to make a plan for your life anymore, and just feeling hateful towards everybody. The list could go on. These are not all my things, I’m including people I’ve met who have talked about this subject with me in confidence. I’m excited about today. I’m excited about imparting this powerful realization. This, I’m going to call it, the power of self-blame, okay?